So this is what happens when you have brothers...

You get to be a Zombie. You have to eat brains. You are given the opportunity of being re-homed. You also live on a racetrack. You have tire marks on your head. Frequently you have to duck to avoid flying arrows and other projectiles of war. The world is loud. The world is fast.

On the other hand, you have ninja powers. You will enjoy mud pies. Our home now revolves around you. You live in a castle and wear many crowns. You will have knights who will fiercely protect you. Already you are rolling over to keep up with the action. This world is boisterous. It has momentum.

You might get to be the elf princess, but you will also be a dragon slayer.

You are adored. Every toot is esteemed. We compose anthems in your name- like Joshua you fight battles (of Calico). You know the songs. You know the music. You're a rock star.

You will NEVER be bored.

Your world will be boundless. We will teach you to be strong. To fly.

And when things get too big you can always crawl back in our cave and be our little mouse. We will have tea together. Oh and by the way, we'll bring the meat.

Breastfeeding: Beyond Beautiful

A dear friend asked me some questions about breastfeeding this week and what I replied was: I guess what I'm learning is that once you go down that breastfeeding journey go and encourage others to do likewise; to support their babies in the ways they can, for as long as it is mutually enjoyable.

I will admit, I wasn't always a big fan myself. Even though I am a very organic person, in every sense of the word, for some unknown reasons it seemed very overwhelming before my first child was born. I think I assumed we would try for a little while, but only because it was nutritious. It seemed so awkward, so demanding, so confining. I was positive I would always be uncomfortable. I would hate it. In fact, I was more afraid of breastfeeding then of actually giving birth naturally! I thought once you introduce solid foods that that is the end of the journey. (In the same way I thought I could just have a baby and go back to work 8-12 weeks later like it was no big deal). And I'm pretty sure I looked with outward raised eyebrows and inward condemnation at those who had toddlers (or older!) dangling from under their blouses like little pink hogs or coming to ask for it like little trained puppies. I've heard the rumblings about people who breastfeed too long being overprotective, clingy, smothering, or the all time worst:abusive.

Turns out I was wrong. About everything.

Sand surfing

Sand- that tiny gritty stuff that runs through your fingers when you close your hand. It is the moments of everyday that we try so hard to keep forever, to remember individually, but they blend together with all the thousands of others. However, cumulatively we pack these memories together and build a house. Or we climb on top of them to gain perspective. They are what boost us up and make us feel like we are on top of the world. And sometimes they are the most important thing in that world.

Over Christmas break my family went to visit some relatives in Texas on their 85 acre cattle ranch. The property is bordered by a little creek that runs through some old cottonwood and red oak trees. There are ponds, prairies, horses, and newborn cattle. We walked around the perimeter and checked it all out and the part that enticed my kids the most was the large sand piles that were created when the pond was dredged out this summer to deepen it during a severe drought. To them they really are mini- mountains and nothing makes one feel more triumphant than climbing a mountain- or putting the last finishing touches on a sand castle.

Michael, Cris and Connor on the sand piles

I think children and striving artists understand the need to "create a place where your imagination can wander. We build this place with the sand of memories; these castles are our memories and inventiveness made tangible. So part of us believes that when the tide starts coming in, we won't really have lost anything, because actually only a symbol of it was there in the sand. Another part of us thinks we'll figure out a way to divert the ocean. This is what separates artists [and children] from ordinary people: the belief, deep in our hearts, that if we build our castles well enough, somehow the ocean won't wash them away. I think this is a wonderful kind of person to be.” -Anne LaMotte from Bird by Bird: Some instructions on Writing and Life

Smiling: A bedtime poem

Calyn 2 days old

I love
the dimples

on the back of your hand;
they make a mouth.
It clamps around
             my finger,
anchors me,
gives constants,
in a world where
castles are swept to sea.

I love
those little breaths
that fill eyes, rooms, sails,
and that red balloon
which carries me up
up,
to jump over the moon.

While you dream
I hope you swallow stars.
I hope it feels
like lavender shortbread
dissolving on your tongue.

And when those eyelashes
with rainbow arches open

I hope that you see gold

A word for the new year

Thanks mom for the reminder to "plan them often...even if it's just macaroni and cheese!"

Happy New Year everyone!